How do I discuss end-of-life issues with my family?

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What are end-of-life issues? End-of-life issues include a wide range of sensitive subjects, including who will take care of you when you are no longer able to care for yourself; who will have legal authority to make decisions for you; where will you live; what medical treatment you may or may not want; who will take care of minor children, elderly parents, or disabled family members after you pass on; how can you preserve assets for your family; who do you want to handle your estate; and how will your property be distributed at your death? Families often find these subjects difficult to discuss. Thinking about mortality is uncomfortable, and many people avoid discussing it. Parents may be reluctant to bring up the subject for fear that it will raise unpleasant issues among children. Children may be reluctant to bring up the subject for fear their parents will misinterpret their motives. Yet, failure to discuss these issues can be destructive to the long-term financial and emotional health of a family. So, how can families begin a discussion about these issues in a constructive and nonthreatening way?

Depersonalize the issues.

Depersonalizing the issues is one way to begin the discussion with family members. How much easier is it to talk about a "friend's" problems, rather than your own? The following case studies will help families start the discussion. Each case study is followed by questions that family members can try to answer. Make it a competition and see who can answer the most questions correctly. Or, make it a team effort and see how many the entire family can answer correctly by working together. Either way, discuss the issues raised in the case studies, and you may find the discussion gradually turning to more personal issues providing valuable insight into the goals, concerns, and preferences of individual family members. After you have discussed all of the questions, see how many were answered correctly by clicking on the answer page.

Family facilitators

For families who need extra help, family facilitators are available through the Carolinas Center for Hospice and End of Life Care.

Please note: This page is a work in progress. Additional case studies will be added as they are created. Many are based upon real life situations.

	Case Study 1.	When is it too soon to honor a living will? When does your health care agent have authority to make your medical decisions?
	Case Study 2.	How to preserve your assets for your grandchildren and prevent your daughter-in-law from inheriting.
	Case Study 3.	The dangers of making someone a co-owner of a bank account as joint tenants with right of survivorship.
	Case Study 4.	The disadvantages of writing your own will.
	Case Study 5.	The surviving spouse's share.
	Quiz	How much do you know about advance directives?

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Prepared by Carol A. Schwab, J.D., LL.M., Professor and Extension Specialist, NC State University.

This publication is provided as a public service and is designed to acquaint you with certain legal issues and concerns. It is not designed as a substitute for legal advice, nor does it tell you everything you may need to know about this subject. Future changes in the law cannot be predicted, and statements in this publication are based solely on the laws in force on the date of publication.

Date: October 2001